Should You Talk To Your Ex After A Breakup?

After a breakup, you might wonder if and when you should talk to your ex at all.  Most experts will suggest a “no contact” period after a tough breakup, and thirty days seems to be the general consensus as to how long it should last.  It is very important to understand that no contact means just that—you have zero communication with your ex.  Not even a tiny little text message or email.

Why You Shouldn’t Contact Them

Ex Factor video player.There are several reasons that a no contact phase is a healthy way to deal with a breakup.  The most important is that it will help you accept that the relationship is over and it will give you to push you need to adjust to life as a single again.

You also have to understand and accept that their life and personal business are no longer your concern.  No need to be harsh, you can still be interested in their lives, but you don’t have a right to ask what they’re up to and who they’re hanging out with.

The BIG reason for a no contact period is that it will show you how your ex views you.  In the first few days after the initial breakup, they always expect you to call or text.  Emotions and egos are bruised and maybe they genuinely want to hear from you, but by denying them the contact you remove their safety net so to speak.  This can make them second guess whether or not the breakup was a good decision and can lead them back to you.

How to Handle Unavoidable Encounters

In a perfect world, you could hit the block or ignore button and never have to see your ex.  We don’t live in a perfect world, and inevitably you are going to run in to them somewhere.  If this happens, you definitely don’t want to be rude or run away, but you also don’t want to indulge them in a long conversation and be sure to steer clear of anything emotional.  The last thing you want them to see is you upset or teary eyed.  Try to keep your conversations to short answers without being too cold. quiz banner

How and When to Initiate Contact Again

Now this part can be tricky, and you may need to be creative when you decide to reestablish contact.  While you will be tempted to jump right back into lengthy conversations, you will want to be careful to keep your first exchanges brief.  The idea here is to remind them that you exist, but don’t approach any deep conversations just yet.  Keep your first communications light and friendly.  Be sure to always keep your “Happy Face” on when your ex is around.  The last thing you want is them thinking that you’ve been moping around for the last month and have finally decided to come out of hiding.

Couple talking on phones.Try to come up with a legitimate reason to contact them. A couple of good ideas for conversation starters are asking them the name of a restaurant you went together because it seems to have slipped your mind or maybe you saw a flier for a sale or event that you thought they would enjoy. You don’t want to make up something silly and convey the idea that you just wanted to hear their voice.  Finally, you want to end the conversation by saying that you enjoyed seeing them and that you should catch up with each other another time.